If God exists, he/she’s either bored, or has stopped paying attention

Unlike many on this earth, I don’t often wonder about the existence of a God. I pretty much made up my mind years ago, and just haven’t felt the need to revisit the topic. I did have a girlfriend once who was a rabid Christian, but when I asked her to explain why God allowed widespread poverty and injustice, her reply was “they must be worshipping the wrong God…”

It was a shame her local church’s mantra wasn’t broad enough to adequately cover such inquisitions, but that she didn’t even realise I was taking the piss meant our relationship was doomed. Which was a shame really because she was also a bit of a nympho – another source of confusion for an 18 year old lad, just trying to find his way in the world.

So whether or not there is a God, here’s proof that he/she has lost that spark, or at the very least, needs to get to one of those “self-help” seminars pronto:

  • Waco
  • “The Bieb”
  • Self help seminars
  • The Jim Beam “speed dating” ads
  • Famine, war, disaster and disease so common we don’t even hear about it anymore
  • “Creative” (made up or misspelled) modern kids names like “Shayden”, “Rheeahna” and “Jarrodayen”
  • Facebook groups like “On a scale of 1-10, how immature are you? 69”, “When i’m walking down the street, I pretend i’m in a music video” and “Mum I feel sick. You’re going to school. F*ck.”
  • Back sliders
  • The Kardashians
  • Charlaine Harris and Stephenie Meyer
  • Nickelback
  • Rat tail hair-do’s
  • Diesel fumes
  • Farmer Wants a Wife
  • Websites that claim proof that God exists

There’s more, I just can’t be fagged listing them all. Besides, I’m falling behind in my 10 part self-help course “Just get over yourself”. Apparently negative thoughts are strangling my creativity…

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