They call me Bruce

Lets face it, you would have to be some sort of sad and lonely fool to fall for some of the phone and internet scams going on… or would you?

Well I’m not so sure anymore, but those guys sure do assume you’re stupid. So whenever they ring, I try to sound as stupid as I can, just for their benefit (and mine, lets face it – tee hee hee)

(In a jolly Indian accent) “Hello my name is Bruce and I’m calling from Microsoft – people have been having problems with their computer and we want to fix the problem. I need you to go to this web address and log-in…”

(me) “… er, I don’t have a computer Bruce old mate! But let me tell you a story about a friend of mine who does. You see, Frank across the road was given a computer by his son. Now he uses it to email him when he’s interstate – which is all the time. Bloody marvelous invention computers. “

(less jolly Indian accent) “Yes, yes, but…”

(me, continued) “His son works in WA, works the mines up there, you know, 10 days on, 10 days off, that kind of thing. Frank lives alone, doesn’t get out much. He and I do walk up the shops on a Friday though, got to get out when you can.”

(impatient Indian accent) “I think we’ve made a mistake…”

(me, having a ball by now) “Sometimes, Frank gets a hair-cut up there at the barbers. Maybe once a month. I got a haircut there once, lovely eye-talian fellow, a real whiz with the scissors. Next time I think we’re both due for a hair cut, and I think I’ll drop in and see the doctor too…”


“Aw, I was just gettin’ to the good bit about me prostate!”

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