Finding the “App” in inappropriate

For a fairly tech-savvy guy I’m really struggling with the current app-session with iphones, androids and any other app-aratus capable of running those little programs that, not so long ago, we seemed to quite app-tly live without.

OK I’ve done that joke three times in one paragraph, but you get the picture. Unlike an increasing number of those around me, I don’t own an iphone. Sheesh, even my mum’s got one! But I don’t want one, don’t need one. Lived for years without it, can survive another few without it. Unlike some of the many other advances in technology over the years, I still fail to see how the iphone has improved our lifestyles.

Computers were great, because they allowed lazy bastards like me to earn a good living without even having to leave the house. The internet? See point a) above. And don’t even get me started on the wonders of fridges that spout cold water and ice. My life’s never been the same.

What’s an iphone ever done for me? Can an iphone make me a lime daiquiri on demand?

OK so if I haven’t convinced you to trash you’re iphone yet, then read on as I provide the ultimate and irrefutable evidence as to why they are evil, obtrusive, and just plain wrong.

Imagine you and your partner are at the beach. Its a beautiful warm day and you’re wading in the cool crystal water, feeling the soft sand squelching between your toes. The kids (if you have any) are happily splashing away nearby as a soft breeze takes the edge off the sun’s glare. The two of you are reminiscing – maybe about your first date – and start to talk about a movie you once saw. With that actor… err… what’s his name… skinny guy… big nose… was in Zombies from Hell… oh its on the tip of my tongue… And there it is. In a flash one of you (or both if you’re competitive types) will ruin your idyllic moment and whip your iphone out of your togs and Google the answer. Cut short a great chance to explore the art of conversation with your fellow human being. And here’s the kicker. You must do this, because if you don’t, how can you justify even owning an iphone? This is the exact reason they were created and you bought it – so you can stop whatever it is you’re doing and find out anything at any time of day or night, no matter where you are. And so a circular argument begins about what came first, information or the culture of “needing to know”, and by now your head is in such a spin that you need to extricate yourself and have a lie down.

Sure, you can blame it on heat stroke, but the reality is your iphone has infiltrated your life on every level and now causes you more pain and angst that it can ever relieve.

Don’t believe me? Then grab your iphone NOW and go to www.worst-invention-ever. No really.

no-iTomorrow: 10 worst apps.

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